PUT YOUR EYES ON!!!

LOOK AT THESE JOKES...the answer is funny..misunderstood words, sarcasm, ignorance, pun answers, ambiguous word order,...


1st MAN: I've just bought my wife a bottle of toilet water for £100. (eau de toilette)
2nd MAN: You could have had some from my loo for nothing.
TEACHER: What do you know about the Dead Sea?
PUPIL: Dead? I didn't even know it was ill.

TEACHER: What do you call the small rivers that flow into the river Nile?
PUPIL: Juveniles
1st BOY: Do you always bath in dirty water?
2nd BOY: It was clean when I got in.

STRANGER: I'm looking for a man with a wooden leg called Johnson. (AMBIGUOUS WORD ORDER)
(NOTE: ...a man called Johnson with a wooden leg)
LOCAL: What's his other leg called?

DINER: Waiter! Will my hamburger be long? (TIME)
WAITER: No. It will be round and flat, sir. (SIZE)

1st FRIEND: I know a cafe where we can eat dirt cheap. (DIRT = VERY)
2nd FRIEND: But who wants to eat dirt? (DIRT = EARTH)

DINER: Waiter! What's wrong with this fish?
WAITER: Long time, no sea, sir.
(NOTE: Long time, no see = I haven't seen you for a long time.)

CORONER: And what were your wife's last words sir?
HUSBAND: I don't see how they can make a profit selling this chicken at 2p per pound.

NERVOUS PASSENGER: How often do planes of this type crash?
AIR HOSTESS: Only once, sir.

PASSENGER: Guard! How long will the next train be? (TIME)
GUARD: About six carriages, sir. (LENGTH)